


The Surrogacy Trap

by charitybrooke14



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 05:28:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26347891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charitybrooke14/pseuds/charitybrooke14
Summary: All Zayn and Louis wanted was a baby.
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

"Louis?"

  
At the sound of his name, Louis looked up from his perch against the stove. A pan of bacon was sizzling, splattering grease this way and that. It stung Louis hands and wrists, but he had more or less gotten used to the feeling. "What is it, love?" 

  
Zayn admired his husband's face and even grinned at the little wince he would give when grease landed on him. It was Louis own fault because he had bought one of the mesh covers to put over the pan specifically for that, he just refused to use it. He shuffled, coming through the doorway that led into the kitchen from the hall. "I know we've talked about this before but... Have you given any more thought to... to us having a baby?" 

  
A child was a touchy subject for Louis and Zayn could never figure out exactly why he was so reluctant. Both of them had grown up with wonderful home lives, there wasn't a speck or mark on either of their track records when it came to family, their credit was perfect and they had their own house. Zayn worked every day and Louis tended the house, so why, he wondered, was it such a big deal? 

  
"A baby?" 

  
Louis words echoed around the kitchen and Zayn was smiling at him when that blue gaze met his own.

"Yes." Chocolate orbs shined at Louis from across the table. A newspaper crinkled in his hands as he pushed it to the side. The same things cane through to his phone and he could find it all on Facebook if he really wanted, but there was something he found whimsical about squinting his eyes to see the newsprint. Sometimes he got a headache, but it was only when he tried to read the obituaries. 

  
"Zayn.. We've talked about this." Louis laid three pieces of bubbling bacon onto a plate he had covered with two layers of paper towels and dusted his hands off on his joggers before making his way to where Zayn was leaned against the counter, a glum look on his face. " Baby.. We can't."

  
"Can't? Or won't?" An exasperated sigh escaped his lips. They had talked it over before but Louis always found a way out of it. Zayn credited it to his just being scared of having a tiny baby to care for. They were married, for Christ's sake. Did he expect Zayn to stay that way forever? Every day he woke up wondering what it would be like to hear the soft rustle of a child through a baby monitor in their room, or the pitter-patter of chubby feet running through their house. With the way things were going, he was going to have to settle with a few dogs. 

  
"Zayn, please." 

  
"Why won't you talk with me about this? You know I've wanted kids from the start."

  
"But why now." Louis sighed 

  
"What do you mean why now? Louis, we've been married for a year, we've been together for four. I want to experience everything in life with you and having a baby is one of the greatest things in life, isn't it?" Zayn heard the desperation in his own voice and see it in the reflection in Louis eyes. 

  
Louis came around the counter and leaned against Zayn's back, his head coming to rest between the faint protrusion of his shoulders. "I just don't think we're ready for that, Z..." he murmured. His head moved, pushed up by the heaving of the shoulders he was nestled between. "What's wrong with the way we've got things not? We have our home, our health, and each other... What more could you want?"

  
"A child."

\--- 

Louis watched Zayn from the corner of his eye. 

  
The topic of a baby hadn't been brought up in two days and even worse, Zayn had barely spoken him the entire forty-eight hours. After their conversation in the kitchen, he had taken off, his jacket thrown over his shoulders and the door slamming shut behind him. Louis had text him a few times but there had been no response. 

  
Two days later, there was still nothing going between the two of them and Louis was getting irritated with it. 

  
Why was Zayn so stuck on having a child? Zayn was right in saying that he had known because it was one of the first conversations they had when things had started getting serious between the two of them. Their wants, needs and plans for the future had been laid out on the table before they had abandoned their separate apartments for a joint place. They had always wanted the same things from the get-go and never disagreed on anything except a child. 

  
Louis loved kids, he did but the thought of having one of his own was fucking terrifying. What was he supposed to do with it? His entire hand would be the size of the child's head, he couldn't figure how to strap a diaper on his own little cousin and what the hell was he supposed to do when Zayn left and the kid began screaming? A bottle didn't solve everything. 

  
Zayn was on his MacBook, typing away at some spreadsheets he hadn't finished at work. He was a successful accountant and once or twice Louis had tried to look into what he was doing and watch but none of it had made sense. The tapping of the tips of his fingers to keys was drifting over to Louis, who had his own laptop in his lap though he had not even opened it. 

  
"Zayn?" 

  
Conversation had been minimal but Louis couldn't take that. Silence was unnerving and got his heart pounding in his ears. He stared at his husband, who gave no indication he had heard him and Louis tried again, this time clearing his throat too loud to be considered normal. 

  
"Lou, what is it. I'm busy." 

  
Oh, that hurt. Louis flinched at the blunt, emotionless words but moved his laptop onto the small table next to him. There was about four feet between the two of them and before he chickened out, Louis snatched the MacBook from his partner's hands, ignoring the aggravated protest and olive-skinned hands that tried to get it back. Louis put it in the recliner he had been sitting in.   
"Stop ignoring me." 

  
"I'm not," Zayn defended, craning his neck to see the silver MacBook in the chair. "I have work to do and its important." 

  
"I'm your husband and I'm important." 

  
That got Zayn and he finally let out a sigh. His glasses sat on the bridge of his nose and when he pulled them off, there was a small dent where they had been. "Fine. What's so important that it can't wait until I'm done?" 

  
Louis had thought about what Zayn had said, even called his mother up to talk to her. All she had told him was to do what was best for them and while it hadn't been much help, he knew he couldn't rely on her to tell him yes or no. But the silence between them had given him the time to think. 

  
Zayn had dedicated the last four years to doing everything he could to please his husband. From getaways, funded by long nights at work, to simple things like flowers or his favorite drink in the fridge, he had done it all for Louis without ever asking for anything in return. The only thing Zayn craved was a child and what right did Louis have to keep that from him? They were partners for life, were they not? 

  
"I've... been thinking about what we talked about the other day," he began quietly. It was hard for him to get this out and taking a seat on the cushion Zayn's hips occupied didn't do much to make it easier. Louis wasn't looking at him but he could feel those dark eyes baring into him. "I know how much you want a baby. I do too, I know I don't act like it, but I do. I never thought I would ever actually have one and thinking of it now scares the fuck out of me." Louis paused, his fingers picking at one another in front of him. "But I know this isn't about only me so... If you please, please bare with me when go further, I'd be open to pursuing it further." Thrilled wasn't the right word but he wasn't being picky. Louis' own words had sounded stupid to his ears but Zayn got his message. Loud and clear. 

  
"Don't fuck with me, Lou, you mean it?" The blank look in Zayn's eyes had brightened and he grabbed his husband's hand, kissing each of his soft knuckles as he did.

  
Louis nodded and finally looked at the raven-haired man. "Yeah. But if we were a regular couple and one of us had a uterus, you could have just slipped up and impregnated me months ago. That seems easier." Zayn laugh filled the room, pulling a chuckle from Louis as it did. "But I'm willing to try just please don't overwhelm me." The response he got was being engulfed in his husbands strong, vice-like grip. 

  
\--

Louis had arranged for a dinner at their house that next evening to tell their friends. Niall and Harry would be coming in one car and Liam would show up whenever he pleased. The guy couldn't be on time if his life depended on it but if he didn't have that flaw, he wouldn't be their best friend. They all had their little things that made them. Liam's was being late everywhere he went. Harry's was being completely oblivious when presented with the slightest bit of flirtation. Niall's was flirting really bad with the unsuspecting. Louis was afraid of change and Zayn had an awful habit of holding a grudge longer than they should have. If they didn't possess these, Louis just knew none of them would be the same. 

  
Two arms snaked around Louis waist from either side and his warm, bare torso was against Louis back. Something felt cool in spots and he realized when he turned that Zayn was clad in a towel, his chest and hair still dripping from his shower. He had been all over Louis since the previous day and had had a hand on him in some way or another, though he didn't complain. Louis was touchy-feely. He loved it. 

  
"I know I've said how much I love you about a hundred times since we got up this morning, but I love you so much." Zayn pressed a wet, open mouthed kiss to his husbands neck. 

  
Louis shivered at the goosebumps that erupted along his skin and traveled the length of his spine. "You know what that does to me. Quit it, we have guests coming..." 

  
Zayn smirked, moving to nibble the soft patch of skin just below Louis ear, nipping the same spot when the brunet pressed against him. "Why do you think I did it and came down here in my towel?" As he spoke, he uncurled the white edges of the towel so it slipped to the floor in a wrinkled heap. Zayn kicked it aside and turned Louis around so his back was against the fridge.

  
"Fuck, Zayn, why do you do this..." Louis tipped his head back, sighing as Zayn peppered kisses along his neck and the hollow of his throat, suckling a soft red mark here and there while he did. This was a clever tactic he had taken to using more often than not, and it worked. Louis fingers drug along the tan skin of Zayn's back, running over the bumps of his spine before spanning his flat but well-toned rear. He gave a squeeze.

  
The strong hands on his waist slipped to his hips, lifting him from the floor. Louis legs instantly went around Zayn's waist and his fingers tangled in the thick black hair, tugging on it lightly. "Because," His warm breath fanned across Louis skin with every word and he placed a firm, demanding kiss just under his jaw. "I know you can't resist me." 

  
That was true. Already there was a tightening at the front of Louis jeans. An uncomfortable, hot, and cramped feeling he knew all to well. "Any time today you could have done this," he whispered, his breathing hitching in his throat when Zayn flicked his tongue along the sensitive skin. "We don't have time right now." 

  
A low, husky groan came from Zayn and as he lowered his lover down, Louis could feel Zayn's manhood, erect and dragging up between his thighs. "You're no fun at all..." When the brunet's feet were on the floor, Zayn bent to grab his towel and wind it around himself once more. 

  
Louis smirked at the visible bulge and shooed Zayn off with his hand. "I'm gonna ride the absolute fuck out of you later but right now, please get dressed because someone is here." Through half closed eyes during the assault on his neck, he had seen the quick flicker of lights through the blinds. He watched his husband dart off and Louis couldn't help but smile. 

  
The doorbell rang through the house just as the sound of Zayn closing their bedroom door sounded. Louis adjusted the front of his jeans, half wishing Zayn's large hand was holding his chest down against the counter. Before he could make a move, he heard the door open and in came Harry, followed closely by Niall. 

  
"Hey you two!" 

  
Louis smiled and turned back to the counter where he had been taking things out of the fridge before Zayn had come in. The fried chicken was done and cooling on its own pan. There was more than enough and when Niall was coming over, Louis would cook something cheap so they would have a lot. Cold grape salad was in a bowl next it and he had made a big steaming pile of macaroni to go with all of it. Greasy and good, and if he were being honest, Louis kept having to wipe the drool from the corners of his mouth.

  
Harry sat a 12-pack of beer on the counter. "Glad you invited us out. We hardly see you two nowadays." He engulfed Louis in a hug, crushing his face into his hard shoulder. 

  
Niall smiled from over Harry's shoulder and reached out, ripping a small piece of chicken skin and popping it into his mouth. 

  
"It's been awhile, I know," Louis agreed with a laugh, raising a brow at the blond as he did. "We really need to get together more often. Have you heard from Liam?" 

  
Harry shook his head. "Nah. I called him before Niall came and got me but he didn't pick up. I don't know what he has going on." As he spoke, a solo cup came over his shoulder. This didn't surprise Harry, who took the cup from Niall's hand. 

  
That was cute. Louis had witnessed Niall do little things like that for Harry and had been seeing them for months. Niall would fix his drink or go out of his way to do something for him. If Harry got cold, Niall would leave his own apartment to bring him a blanket. But as usual, Harry took no notice. 

  
The three of them chatted, working together to set the table and get ice for the ones who didn't have a cup. They were sliding the last of the macaroni onto the table when Zayn finally came back. He had donned a white t-shirt and black joggers and his hair laid damp on his forehead. 

  
"There's my man." Louis leaned into the kiss that was placed on his cheek, smiling wider at Zayn's hand patting his rear. It brought back the tingles he had had churning in his belly when Zayn had picked him up. 

  
Zayn slapped Harry a high-five and gave Niall a playful shove as they all took their seats. Liam still wasn't there and they knew better than to wait on him. 

  
The four friends tucked in, chatting and catching up on what had happened since they had seen each other last. Harry still had his manager job at the gym and Niall was still toiling around in at the hospital. He was a patient care tech and unable to decide if he wanted to pursue nursing. 

  
"You'd be a pretty hot nurse." 

  
Niall's pale cheeks went bright red at Harry's words. Louis saw it, Zayn did too. "Shut it, you curly headed fuck." he shot back. 

  
"So, what did you guys want us over for so sudden? I asked you two to come out with Niall and I when we went for drinks about a week ago." Harry would call someone out in a heartbeat and Louis had wished he had the balls to do it. 

  
"Well..." Zayn gave Louis a sideward glance, squeezing his thigh under the table. "Louis and I have been talking and we've decided, together, that we're going to look into our options for having a child." 

  
A set of green eyes landed on Louis, wide and questioning. Louis had confided in Harry more than once his fears about the change a baby would bring and if he were being honest, Harry really didn't think his friend was happy about it nor ready for it. "Really?" 

  
"Ye-yeah..." Louis gave an unsure smile. "I, I mean, we set up an appointment with a specialist, you know the ones that help people trying to adopt and conceive, for this coming Monday." 

  
"That's great!" Crumbs fell from Niall's chin as he spoke. He was notorious for messy eating, he couldn't help it. The crunch of his teeth through chicken skin sounded as he chewed, talking while he did. "Are you guys wanting to adopt?" 

  
"That would be the first option but Zayn said you can get surrogate mothers to carry the child for you. Like, they'd take our sperm, I guess, and put them in the egg and implant it in the woman, if that makes sense." Louis glanced down when the hand on his leg squeezed again. 

  
"Well I'm proud of you two for taking this step." Harry smiled, his gaze lingering on Louis.

  
This was hard for him. Committing to something he wasn't fully committed to was difficult for Louis. He could feel the stress mounting in his shoulders and the hard part hadn't even begun but as he looked to his husband, noting his glowing cheeks and wide smile, he knew he was just going to have to suck it up. This was for Zayn. 

  
Once it was out in the open, things were a little easier. The subject was eventually switched to something else and every now and then Louis would feel a kiss to the side of his head. He relaxed, mixing in with the easy conversation. 

  
A loud burp from Niall sounded when he finally sat back, hands on his stomach. "I think I ate too much." 

  
"Nice one." Harry smirked in his direction and again, Niall's cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. How Harry could not see this was beyond Louis. 

  
"I hate that Liam didn't show up." It wasn't unusual for him to skip out on them. Normally he would pop up, even if he was an hour late, just to say high or grab a plate of food but tonight, they had not heard anything from him. 

  
"Like I said," Harry went on as his fingers popped the silver tab on his third can of beer, "I don't know what's up with him lately." 

  
They could do nothing but shrug as they finished the reminder of their meal and stood from the table. "You go sit. Harry and I will clean this up." Zayn nudged Louis out of the kitchen, grinning at the curly haired man that shot him a look that screamed What the hell! "You too, Niall. I'll pack the leftover food for you. Go hang out with Lou."

  
The two left, leaving Harry grumbling as he pushed his sleeves up to begin rinsing dishes to put in the washer. Both of them flopped onto the couch. Niall was still watching Harry from behind.   
Louis followed his gaze and chuckled. "Just tell him. You know how horny he is. Just pin him down and he's yours."

  
They bickered back and forth, pushing each other until they were joined by Louis husband and Harry. There was a fourth beer in his hand and nodded towards Niall. "I hate to dine and dash, but Niall told me he needed to be at work early tomorrow so I can't have him driving my drunk ass around all night." Holding out a hand, Harry helped the flustered Niall up from the couch. They bid their goodbyes, took the leftover food and headed to Niall's car. Louis locked the door behind them. 

  
When their red taillights disappeared, Zayn was on Louis again, biting at his lower lip before he had even had a chance to make it back to the couch. "Now what was this you were saying before we were so rudely interrupted?" 

  
Zayn didn't waste any time, did he? Louis giggled, swatting his husband away from his ear and twisting around in his arms. The churning began in his stomach again when he was picked up. Louis pressed a wet kiss to his lips, barely slipping the tip of his tongue into the warmth of his mouth. "Oh, I believe I said something about... riding the fuck out of you, but I can't remember..."  
Louis laugh echoed through the kitchen and was quickly cut of when Zayn smashed their lips together.


	2. Two

Liam felt bad for not showing up to Louis and Zayn's after he had said he would. The text had read:

_Hey Li! Zayn I have some news to tell you guys so be at house tomorrow around eight or so!_

and he sent one back, assuring him he would make an appearance. Harry had called him once, Niall had text him but he had not answered either of them back nor had he bothered to let them know where he had been and why he had blown them off.

That morning, Liam had had every intention of going to the get-together but around mid-day, his plans had changed themselves.

Harry had been telling him needed to get a partner for awhile now because he was the only one of them  
who didn't have one. And what about you, he had said back to his friend, tone indignant. Harry had only shrugged and began sipping on another beer. "I'm working it. There it isn't anyone who wants me right now and i'm not going to go looking for one."

Liam had rolled his eyes because for one, did Harry expect him to run off, poking his head into places until he found a girl or guy he could fancy? And two, Harry was an idiot. All of them could see the way Niall was towards Harry but he didn't pay the poor blond any attention. Was it purposeful? None of them quite knew because when it came to his personal life, Harry kept it vague.

That was a few months before and Liam never had gone out to find someone on his own. They had found him one night when he was leaving the store. A storm was rolling through, raining down its assault on everything below it. Streaks of water ran across the lot, winding their way down to the drains situated throughout the parking lot. Wind whipped the trees and lightning lit up the sky.

Liam had been running across the parking lot, bags swinging from his hands. It had been cloudy out when he had arrived but he was sure he could have beaten it before it started. He was wrong and by the time he reached his car, he was soaked and to make matters worse, his keys weren't tucked into his pocket. Liam saw them, sunken into the seat where it ran into the back rest. The door were locked when he yanked on them.

"Oh, fuck me..."

It was late. Harry had probably knocked a few back and if Niall wasn't crashing at his place, he was curled up in his own apartment. He wouldn't bother the married couple. Liam sighed and glanced behind him. The store was still there but they were twenty-four hours anymore and closed as soon as eleven o'clock rolled around.

"You need some help?"

Liam turned back to see a golden Ford had pulled up, the headlights too bright for his eyes to adjust. "Can you...?" He wiggled his finger and posted at the lights that splattered his shadow across the dark asphalt parking lot.

The lights went out, leaving Liam seeing circles and stars in front of his eyes. A door opened and he heard two boots hit the floor as he blinked to clear his vision. When they did, there was a man approaching him, his hand held up to shield his face from the pellets of water.

"I asked if you needed help."

A set of lovely hazel eyes met Liam's brown ones. In the dim lighting of the lot, he could make out the guy was tall, around Zayn's height with thick, curly blond hair. The plaid shirt he wore was unbuttoned, showing the white tank beneath that was stretched to the thread across his chest. A thick drawl left his full lips and for a moment, Liam only stared.

When he finally came round, he forced an awkward laugh and pointed to where his keys sat in the seat of his car. "I messed up." The light from the lamps that hovered over the lot glinted off the set like a twinkling insult.

"I can help you with that." The man gave him a smile, revealing a set of slightly crooked teeth though that hardly mattered because his smile was kind. "Mind if I work my magic?"

"Go for it."

What did he have to lose? Liam stepped aside, blinking rain out of his eyes as the unnamed guy fiddled at his door. His body shielded what he was doing but Liam could hear some jerks and clicks coming from in front of him. When he was prepared to lean over and take a gander at what he was doing, the door clicked and the guy grabbed the handle, tugging it open with ease.

"How!?"

When he turned, there was a switchblade twirling between his fingers and a proud smile was on his face. "This thing really comes in handy. I kind of scratched the door a little, sorry about that but it's open. Saved you the 100 bucks you'd have had to pay if you go a locksmith."

"You're a lifesaver, thank you!" Liam shuffled by him and pushed all of his bags over the console and into the passenger seat. When he straightened back out, the guy was watching him like he was waiting for something. Liam was unsure but reached for his wallet and pulled a twenty. "Here, take this."

The guy swiped the bill from Liam and promptly tucked it back into his pocket. "I won't take your money. But... I'll settle for a trade." He leaned against the panel of Liam's car. "Let me take you out."

Liam had been unable to say no and a month later, they were still hanging around the guy, who later revealed himself to be David, and quickly becoming close. He had kissed Liam once. A quick peck but it was enough to make him wiggle with excitement. Two weeks after that first kiss, they had made things official. It was fast but it had felt right with the both of them.

All of that had been about four months ago, if he was remembering right. The first half had been great, the latter had lost some of its luster.

David fretted a lot. He always needed to know who Liam was around and where he was. There was an app on his phone called Life360 where David could track his car if he couldn't get in touch with him through the phone. "It's just so I can make sure you're safe," David had told him when Liam questioned. He worried and that made Liam happy that someone was caring for him.

His friends would be delighted but he hadn't introduced them to his boyfriend. It felt too soon and every time he was invited out, Dani had something he needed to take care of.

Like the night before when they had been preparing to go Louis, Liam had shown up at Dani's house to pick him up. Instead of his cute country boyfriend in his plaid shirt and tight jeans, he had found him sprawled out in the recliner, a leg thrown over the side and the putrid stench of weed in the air.

"David? What are you doing? We're supposed to go to Louis. Come on, get dressed. I don't want to be later."

David had responded by taking a sip of the bottle he held in his hands. His hazel eyes scoured Liam, admiring the way his jeans fit snugly around his thighs. "Let's stay in... I have better plans for you." The bottle was set on the floor and he pushed himself up, stumbling across to where Liam was standing by the closed door, bringing with him a wave of the marijuana smell.

It crashed over Liam and he scrunched his nose. "David, please? I haven't seen them in awhile and I want you to meet them. I can't take you over there half drunk and smelling like that. Zayn doesn't go for drugs, I told you that." He shrunk away from his boyfriends sloppy kisses, ducking under his arm and moving around so he could reach for the door knob again. "Dammit, David, 'll just go alone." The sigh hadn't left his lips fully before a hard hand hit his back, knocking his head into the side of the door where he had opened it. 

It was kicked shut by a foot behind him and Liam was pushed to the door, the cold aluminum pressing through the front of his shirt.

"I suggest you watch your tone." A voice hissed into his ear. Liam could taste the alcohol smell on his own lips and David pinned him to the door. He struggled, trying twist himself free but David had grown up on a ranch. He was stronger than he let on and Liam was stuck like a mouse in a trap. "I said we had better plans and you're not going to hang out with your gaggle of fairy friends tonight, got it?"

Liam knew it wasn't a question. He swallowed, his heartbeat thrumming in his ears like a drum. This was new and it frightened him. "David, you're hurting me...," he said weakly. "You hit my head..." He tried to move again, but the grip only tightened. David always had an edge to him but this was different. Very different.

"Did you hear me?"

"I... Yes..." Liam finally agreed and the palm holding him down released and spun him around. There was a look in those hazel eyes he had never seen before and to be honest, he didn't want to see it again. Oh, he's just had too much to drink is all. Liam averted his gaze, unsure of what to do and he flinched when a hard hand came to him.

"Good boy, now let me look at that head." David brushed two fingers along the left side of Liam's forehead. It was scrape but it had only taken off the smallest section of skin. There was blood that hadn't broken through. "You're fine. Now come on, go put on something more comfortable and meet me in the bedroom."

Liam watched him go, unsure of what to do. He could dart back through the door but what would happen if David came back to find him gone? The app would show him he had gone straight to Louis and Zayn's and that was not how he wanted all of them to meet. A text came through from Niall and he read it but didn't respond. Liam looked back up when David's voice boomed from his bedroom.

"Babe! Don't make me tell you twice."

He sighed and shuffled his way across the floor, discarding his shirt as he did, mumbling to himself that Dani had just had too much to drink.


	3. Three

Monday morning came around on a turtles back. 

Louis and Zayn hadn't worried too much with it after their dinner with their friends. They had spent the right of the night screwing their way from the couch, to the clean kitchen, into the bathroom, and finally into their bedroom where they had collapsed in a sweaty, heaving heap. They spent Saturday recuperating and it wasn't until Sunday that the nerves really kicked in. 

"Oh, God, what if they tell us we can't do it, Lou? What if we don't have enough money? I don't know what i'll do if they tell us no."

Zayn fretted, running just hands through his messy hair. It had been gelled perfectly when Louis had gotten out of the shower hut now it had fallen and was splayed in clumps on his husbands forehead. 

"Calm down, love, you're getting lines by your eyes." Louis took the comb Zayn had used from the dresser and used it to restyle his hair into his signature look. When it was up again, he laid the comb down and rubbed the side of the worried man's neck. "It'll be fine, Zayn. It's just a consult. They're just going to talk to us about our options and then we'll make our choice, if we do, and go from there. Money isn't an issue, you know that." They didn't have thousands saved but Louis would have piled all of onto his credit card if it meant Zayn would be as happy as he was now. There was always a smile on his face but this new one was different and Louis adored it. "Now please, calm down. We have an appointment to get to." 

Louis pecked his lips, smiling more when he tasted the vanilla lip balm Zayn always wore 

The trip to the clinic was uneventful and the ride quiet, each of them lost in their own set of thoughts. 

Louis wasn't ready to do this. He wasn't ready to walk through the layout of how they could have their own family. The money wasn't on his mind but he knew Zayn wanted a baby. A tiny, screaming baby that was still in newborn diapers. He wanted the baby with the tiny toes, the tiny fingers with the little pink fists that thrashed through the air when it was hollering for something. It would have been a little better if he had wanted to adopt an older kid, a toddler or one older. Louis could have worked with that because it wouldn't have been totally helpless. But Zayn wanted an infant. 

The grip his hands had on the wheel had grown hit and sweaty around the leather when he pulled into one of the front parking spots and shut the car off. Zayn hopped out in a rush while Louis took his time. It was bright out, a nice change from the clouds that had consumed the sky for past few days and it should have made him feel better. The sun on his back made him smile but that wasn't the case today. Louis was somber, his blue eyes dull and weary. 

"You haven't changed your mind, have you?" 

Louis turned to see Zayn looking at him, his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. There was a worried look in those brown eyes he loved so much and felt a pang of regret at his selfish thoughts. "No, baby, we're doing this. Come on." He took Zayn's large hand with his smaller one, gave it a squeeze and let him the way. 

The clinic was quiet yet bustling with activity. It looked like any doctors office would have minus the patients or people there for checkups. This place was specifically for people who wanted to start a family, who, for whatever reason, couldn't do it on their own. People like us. 

There was a nurses station as soon as he walked in and could see their nurse, or receptionist, through a cut out window. There was a rolling cabinet of files behind her, all labeled with rainbow tabs. To the right when they walked in, was a closed door. All Louis could take from that was maybe it was where they went for consults when people had made their decision or perhaps where someone was coming to give their baby up. On the other side, was their version of a waiting room. It was small with maybe fourteen chairs or so lining the walls. There were two large table, one for each side, that had piles of neatly stacked magazines on top of them. A fish tank was built into one the far side and Louis could see bright fish swimming around inside. 

Zayn checked them in while Louis hung to the back, hiding behind the height of his husband. He stuck close, pinning himself to Zayn's side when they took their seat in the waiting room. Being here didn't feel right. It felt wrong, too soon and scary all at once. There was no one in there with them, which he was thankful for because that would have made him lose it. Louis eyes darted around nervously.

"Malik." 

A nurse had come down the hall, a yellow file folder in her hand and called out their last name. 

Louis considered acting as if he hadn't heard but he was drug to his feet, his hand held tight within Zayn's, and pulled down the hall. Once he stumbled but no one noticed. 

The nurse led them down the long hall and took a right, passing by another station that had another set of nurses, one of them a young guy. They all smiled and some even gave a friendly wave. Zayn responded brightly but Louis averted his eyes. The further he walked back, the worse the feeling got in the pit of his stomach. But he followed without a word, sticking so close to Zayn that he occasionally stepped on his heels. 

At last they came to a room that had a silver 17 pressed in letters into its wood. She opened it and ushered them in, telling them the doctor would be in to speak with them as soon as he could. It wasn't the typical room where Louis had gone for his checkups or when he was sick. It didn't have the y'all bed with the waxy white paper he had had to sit on. There were three chairs in front of a long oak desk. It actually looked like the consulting rooms he had seen on the television. 

Zayn took one of the seats, plopping down eagerly while Louis remained standing, but he didn't notice. He was looking around the room, moving things around on the desk and picking up the papers and paperweights. There was a glass bowl of mints and he snatched one out, taking it in his mouth with the tip of his tongue. He reached for Louis next to him and only grabbed air. 

"Louis?" 

"Hm..." Louis was in the corner, his fingers tugging on the loops of his jeans. His nerves were killing him and he didn't know why he was so afraid. At one pint he was sure he overcame his fear of infants enough to come out but now that they were here, Louis felt like he was going to be sick. 

"Baby, please..." Zayn's voice was begging but it wasn't just for Louis to sit down. "I really need you right now, please." 

Louis hesitated before taking one of the seats next to his husband. It was comfortable but he wouldn't relax back; he kept his toes up and knees lifted from the chair, rocking himself slowly enough so maybe Zayn wouldn't notice. It didn't work. 

"Lou..." Zayn laid a hand on the back of his neck and gave it a light squeeze before running his fingers through the bottom of Louis soft hair. It was thin but he loved it. "Please don't make me do this alone." 

The doctor walked in as Zayn was pressing a kiss to Louis lips. "So sorry to interrupt," he chuckled as he took the seat across the desk from them. He brought a faint scent of vapor rub with him when he came in but the man didn't appear to be any older than fifty. "I'm Dr. Adams."

"I'm Zayn Malik. This is my husband, Louis Malik." Zayn introduced the both of them with a smile. 

Dr. Adams looked both of them over. They were a nice looking a pair and he could only imagine what their baby would have looked like if they had been able to conceive naturally. Zayn had high structured cheekbones and smooth, unblemished skin and his husband, well, he just looked terrified. There's always one. The papers on his desk had been scattered a little, he noticed right away but that was fine. People were always a little nosy when they were waiting on him. 

"So I don't hear around the bush, i'll let that be known right away. You two are here because you want a child but neither of you have a uterus." Dr. Adam's smiled at them and opened the thick folder he had brought in with him. "Mr. Malik," he said, addressing Zayn, "You made it clear on the phone that you wanted an infant, so that knocks out any one over six months, so regular adoption is out. We won't even talk about that. There is another option that I always refer to with couples like you two. And I don't mean that in the way it sounds." 

There was a twinkle in his eye and Zayn was grinning. He noticed Louis hadn't moved. "I recommend you two go with a surrogate mother. Now, i'm sure you've done your research and I know things can get confusing on the internet so basically, a surrogate is someone who carries the embryo in their uterus and grows the baby for couples like yourselves." Dr. Adams went on the explain the process from start to finish, giving them a pamphlet and papers with details pictures of how the process worked. Zayn was looking over all of it eagerly. "You pick the surrogate yourself and most people will go with whichever parents isn't giving their DNA." 

As he said this, he smiled at Louis because it was sort of obvious who was who. "So in your case, if you want the baby to resemble you both, you want to pick a surrogate with your features, Mr. Malik," he said, pointing at Louis. "But we have a team who helps with that specifically and we haven't had a single complaint!" 

Louis listened to the doctor carry on, but his nostrils had flared. How unprofessional it was to call him out like that! Louis had have half a mind to walk out of here right now. Baby or no baby. But he was just being melodramatic and stayed out, his hands tucked between his knees while his husband chatted excitedly. 

"The cost is a bit high, but when you've got your little bundle of joy, you won't even remember it." Dr. Adams went on to explain to them how the cost varied for each person and the factors that played into it. Louis head snapped up at the initial price but Zayn wasn't phased. He was nodding. "So i'll leave you with this and give you a few minutes so talk amongst yourselves, okay? I'll be back in about... twenty minutes or so." 

Louis didn't move again until the man was gone and the door had come to a quiet shut. When it did, Zayn turned to stare at him, eyes glimmering. 

"Oh, this is so exciting, Lou!," he exclaimed, prying one of Louis sweaty hands from between his knees. "We can really do it! We can pick out our own and come to every appointment, every ultrasound and as soon as the baby is born, it'll be ours!" He babbled for another few seconds before he reloaded Louis wasn't even looming at him anymore. 

Zayn's heart sank and he dropped Louis hand. He should have known it was too good to be true. Louis coming home here with him had probably just been a way to get him to shutup and get off of his back. He fumbled with the pamphlet, passing it from hand to hand before he sighed, turning his gaze from Louis. "And you don't look happy. Let's just go." 

Instantly, Louis moved to stand, his chair sliding across the waxed floor and tapping the wall. He was going to lunge for the handle before he caught sight of his husband, who was staring down at his feet and he again felt like someone was squeezing his heart. Zayn did so much for him and this was all he wanted. A sniffle reached Louis. 

"Oh, Zayn, baby, I'm sorry..." Louis shoved his thoughts as deep as he could and took Zayn's face between his hands, his thumbs running over his cheeks. There chair between them was pushed away by Louis foot and he pressed close, his torso pressing against Zayn's. "I'm sorry... I'm trying, I know you're excited, I can see that, I'm just afraid..." 

Zayn tried to pull out of his husbands grip but he he didn't really. His head dropped to Louis shoulders and the height difference made it uncomfortable. "For me, Lou, please." He sniffled, taking in Louis sweet scent. 

Louis held him close, his small hands tracing patterns and circles onto his husbands back. "Zayn, you wanna know something?" 

There was a huff but nothing more. Louis had too good of a heart to turn and walk out, they both knew it. He pulled away enough to caress Zayn's cheek. "You're going to be a wonderful father."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is pretty short - i don’t know all the ends and outs of invitro/adoption, so we’ll just skip most of that <3

"This is hopeless..."

Louis turned his attention to his husband, who was next to him. There was a pile of messy folders in front of them, some open, their contents strewn about while others hadn't even been cracked yet. Papers were scattered between them, the pictures of possible surrogates printed on the front, along with their names, family history, and every other piece of medical advice they could have asked for. 

It had been two weeks since their initial consultation and in that time frame, their team had gathered the files of all of the possible women for them, taking special care to keep in mind the characteristics of the fathers and their own medical history. Dr. Adams had said it would take a bit to get it all together and when they did, they would have had to call all of the women and let them know they had possible adoptees. In those two weeks, Zayn had bounced off the walls and snatched his phone every time it had made a sound or vibrated on the counter. Louis hadn't settled at all and his belly was in knots every second that passed. 

They had gotten the call the day before and Zayn had had to hurry and take off from work just so they could be here on time. 

"Why do you say that, Zayn?" 

Zayn through his his hands up, sending his pen rolling under the desk that held the folders. "This! All of this, Louis. We've talked to twenty girls in two hours and already we haven't found a single one. This was supposed to be easy! They handpicked them and we still haven't found one." 

Louis hid his smile. This was stressful for both of them, but especially Zayn. He was the one most eager to take this step in their lives and when it had come to the girls, he had been picky. If they had had one cigarette or let the roll of a joint touch their lips, they were out. Dyed hair was a no because Zayn said the chemicals sunk in through their scalps and into their bloodstream. Zayn interviewed them like the best lawyer would have, making some squirm and look away entirely before they were slashed. Others were denied because their characteristics just didn't fit. Zayn wanted someone who resembled Louis and it wasn't an easy feat. One girl had been the height and hair color, but her eyes had been brown, almost black in the dim light, just like Zayn's. 

Some were too tall, some too short. And though Zayn wouldn't say it, Louis was sure he just didn't like some of them. He bent from the chair he was i. and grabbed the ballpoint pen from where it rested by the leg of the desk. "Calm down, Zayn. No one said it was going to be easy and if we want the right girl, we just have to wait. Rushing through this won't help." 

"We should have brought Liam. He's great at reading people." 

That was true. Liam had a knack for picking up the vibes of people, even if they had just met. Bringing him here would have been the best way to help them, but considering they hadn't been able to get in touch with him since he had text Louis, that wasn't possible. 

"We got this, Zayn." Louis leaned over and pecked his cheek. It should have been the other way around: he was supposed to be the one who was frazzled and at his wits end, with Zayn comforting him and much to his dismay, it was the opposite. "Just take a breath and a sip of your water. We have a few more girls waiting outside." Seeing Zayn riled up like this made him smile. 

Zayn grumbled something but did as he was told and took a huge gulp of the water to wet his parched throat. As he sat it down, there was a knock at the door and their next guest came in. The files had been arranged in accordance to who was coming in to see them next. It was in Zayn's hand and he flipped it open. 

"Maya Colton," Zayn said when she had sat down. 

Maya smiled and tucked a strand of mousy brown hair behind her ear before she shook each of their hands. "Nice to meet you. You must be Zayn and you're Louis." The smaller of the pair had a hand that was the same size as her own, small and somewhat delicate. 

Louis offered a smile and reached to take her file from Zayn. He leafed through the papers while Zayn went along with what he had been doing. "Tell us about yourself."

Maya set off, telling them of her upbringing in further up north, in a town neither of them could remember. She had been the third of four girls born to the mayor the town. She had breezed through school, though had never pursued a college career and was currently making ends meet with a waitressing job. Once, she had slipped up about something she had done out west and it hadn't been lost to Louis. "So I need the money to get through school." 

"What did you do after you graduated, when you said you went out west?" Louis watched her, gauging any reaction she would have given. That bit of information had not been in her files. 

The girl shifted uncomfortably, uncrossing one leg then throwing the second over it. "I... went out there for a few months with an ex-boyfriend. We got into some gambling and owed a little money to some peop-."

It was Louis who cut her off this time. "No. Thank you for coming." When he heard gambling and that money was owed, that was a deal breaker. Money that was owed by someone who had run meant trouble and he wanted no part of that. 

"But, I reall-."

"It was nice to meet you."

Zayn gave her a hard smile until she grabbed her bag and left. When the door was closed, he sighed but reached for Louis hand. "Twenty-one and still nothing."

"Come on. There's bound to be a few bumps in the road. She's coming, I know it." 

They sat for another hour and turned down three more girls for one reason or another and by the time the third left, even Louis was growing frustrated. He hadn't warmed up to the idea of a baby completely, but seeing Zayn so wound up was winding him up. Neither of them said a word as they waited for next girl to come in. 

The file on her labeled her as Jaime Cross, a girl the same age as them. She came into the room on light feet, her shoes not making a sound on the floor while she crossed her way to the chair. A draft of floral perfume came off of her and Louis took a quick sniff. It was nice. "Hello, Ms. Cross."

"Hello." Jaime sat her bag in her lap and smiled at them both. What hit them first was the uncanny resemblance between her own eyes and Louis. They were the same shade of blue, still somehow bright in the lighting. Her hair was slightly darker but not too much and she was small, an inch or two shorter than Louis. The tone of her skin was olive. Not quite as dark as Zayn but she had more color than Louis. 

Introductions went back and forth and before long, the trio was chatting, exchanging accounts and stories, even a few laughs. "I'm an only child, as far as I know. My mother gave me up and I floated around the system until I aged out and was able to get a job. I did finish high school and I've got a degree art. I can't do much with it." Jaime paused for a laugh and moved her hair from her face. "I'd like to go back and get my master's degree, but I don't have the money, not right now. I do live here in town in the apartments just off the highway. It's small but I can afford it."

Zayn was impressed. Jaime never had a real home yet still managed to not only graduate high school and get a degree, but also had her own apartment. "What do you for a living right now?" 

"I do volunteer work at the hospital, you know, sitting with the patients or running things around. I also work in housekeeping three nights a week for twelve hours. It isn't glamorous, but I have a job and a place to sleep. What more could I want?" 

Louis was smiling when she shrugged her slim shoulders. If he didn't know any better, the two of them could had been related. "It sounds like you've got things figured out," he commented and glanced at Zayn. He missed her nod when Zayn's gaze met her own. 

"Would you excuse us, Jaime?" 

The legs of his chair squeaked softly against the floor when it slipped off of the edge of the carpet that was under the desk and other chair. Louis took his bewildered husbands hand and led him from the room, not speaking a word until they door was closed behind them. Still, he said nothing until they had reached the small break room where the vending machine resided three doors down. 

"Louis, what are we doing? I don't think we're supposed to leave them."

"I like her." Louis turned to Zayn and smiled. "I like her a lot. She looks like me and seems like she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders." 

Zayn's eyes lit up. "Louis, are you saying...?" 

"I think so." 

In an instant, Zayn had engulfed his husband in a bone crushing hug, shoving all of the air from Louis lungs as he did. "You don't think it's too quick...," he murmured into Louis hair, his words half muffled. "I mean, we have more girls we can look at and more files and folders, and-."

"Hush, Zayn. If you like her, she's the one." Louis was set. "I want you to be happy." 

That sold Zayn and sprinkled Louis face and head with every kiss he could get out, pulling giggles out of him and the brunt wrenched free of his grip. "Come on, Zayn, lets go tell her. We'll get the doctor after and see what we do from here." 

Hand in hand they walked back down the hall, a renewed hope filling Zayn's heart. They were one step closer to getting the family he had always wanted and there was no one to thank for that except Louis. Jaime, too, but just Louis for now. He squeezed the small hand he held. "I know you aren't ready for this, Lou, but I can't tell you how much this means to me. I love you so, so much, and I am so excited to have this new addition to our family." 

That was the truth, Louis wasn't ready, but if he waited around until he felt like he was, there was a good chance it would be years before the subject would come up again, and if it did, he would push it off. Go with what your heart says his mother had told him. The only thing he knew that was constantly weighing on his heart and chest, was making Zayn happy. He had made vows to dedicate his life to this man. They were one. Louis slowed when they neared the door and rubbed his hand along Zayn's neck, his other hand hovering on the silver doorknob. "I told you I would do anything to keep you happy. Your happiness is my happiness and who knows... This could be an adventure for us." 

Louis gave a lopsided smile before pushing the door open so Zayn could stroll through first. Jaime was just where they had left her and now looked up to them with wide, nervous blue eyes. He gave Zayn a sideways glance and nodded. 

Zayn let him go and went around the side of the desk where she was. Her eyes followed him into he stood in front of her. Jaime has prepared herself for reflection, it was inevitable, but was pleasantly surprised when she was met with his wide, friendly smile. He held his hands out. "Welcome to the family, Jaime."


End file.
